D I V O R C E

ROWDY

2011-12-19T10:26:00.003Z

We've got our final show of 2011 happening tomorrow evening in Glasgow. Mono on King's Court will be hosting a special screening of "Kill All Redneck Pricks", a documentary about the life and times of KARP, one of the best bands to have ever walked the earth! More info on the film can be found HERE and the FB event page for the night is HERE. This is gonna be our last Glasgow show for quite a while too, so we hope very much that you're able to make it down. =x=

ELEVEN ELEVEN ELEVEN

2011-11-11T11:16:00.003Z

We're now back in Glasgow and fully re-integrated into polite society after our two week tour of Europe in the company of the majestic STIG NOISE! It was a truly fantastic experience, we had an amazing time, played some astonishing places and made great new friends. HUGE thanks to Kirmes and EINE WELT AUS HACK for their tireless help with organising the shows too, it was like some kind of beautiful fever dream of unbridled yes. Also, huge thanks to everybody who came along to see us in Edinburgh last week with TAKE A WORM FOR A WALK WEEK, nice to see so many smiling people with their fingers in their ears.

We've got one last show coming up this year; Saturday December 3rd at Bloc on Bath Street in Glasgow. It'll be our last Glasgow gig for a good while and it's free so yr excuses are useless.

We'll also have new vinyl surfacing before the year is out too; a split 10" ep with the fucking immense JAILHOUSE FUCK, coming out on SIXSIXSIXTIES RECORDS. More news/pre-order info/etc when there's more to tell.

Talking of vinyl, our "Wet Bandit" 7" is still available to buy from Gravy Records, and the last we heard there were only half a dozen copies of our "Love Attack" 7" left at Night School HQ. It's not getting re-pressed so move yr fucking ass if you've still not got one.

Ladata =x=

IM LEAVING THE BAND.............

2011-11-04T11:08:00.008Z

PRINCESS SWAMPY BROONTOON AND THE WHAT THE FUCKS...ps,forgot how to blog so start from the bottom of the post.

2011-10-18T13:32:00.019+01:00

SO DRUNK....TAKING A PISS ON THE FUCKING MERCH...SEE WHAT WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH?

POST BEAR BUM FAG...ANDY LOVES FAGS N BEER AND BANDS AND BEARS.

ANDY GOT PUMPED UP THE ASS BY THE BEAR....LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS.

JENNIE FELL ABOUT.

GIG WAS GREAT...ANDY GOT WRECKED..WE ENTICED HIM WITH A FAG.

JOEL STIG NOISE FOUND A DREADLOCK IN HIS DRUM BAG...VSO IS GOANIE GLUE IT INTO HER OWN HAIR....HAIR BROTHERS FROM ANOTHER MOTHERZ.

WELL WELL WEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...SUP!

YOU DONT GET WARM FOSTERS IN GERMANY...YOU GET A MANS BEER,A WHOLE FUCKING CRATE OF IT...YAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!

WIIIIFIIIIIIIIIIIII LOVE.

TOUR LOVE.

THE WOMAN WHO LET US STAY AT HER HOUSE EVEN BAKED BREAD FOR US...WHAT A WOMAN.

THE HOUSE WE STAYED IN WAS FUKING AMAZING ALSO....SHIT,ITS LIKE WE HAVE WENT TO TOUR HEAVEN.

OOOOOP,ANOTHER WEE REMINDER HOW GOOD THAT MEAL WAS....HMMMMMMM!!!!!

JENNIE CRACKING A MASSIVE SPLIFFFFFFF.

GIG IN HALLE,IN A SQUAT,SERIOUSLY GERMANY IS RULING SO HARD RIGHT NOW....SO FUCKING COOL TO BE DOING SHOWS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH BIG PROMOTERS OR MIDDLE MEN...JUST FUCKING RAD FOLKS DOING WHAT THEY LOVE DOING.

PART TWO OF THE BEST TOUR MEALS EVER......MATIUS AND FRIENDS IN HALLE MADE THIS SPREAD,WE NEARLY DIED IT WAS SOOOO GUID,PART ONE WAS IN HAMBURG BUT I FORGOT TO TAKE PICTURES,DANIELLA MADE THE BEST CURRY EVER AND PUT THE SHOW ON...SHE RULES ALSO..

ANDY WENT FOR A BIG XXL BIFFI ROLL.....FUKING DISGUSTING!

WAS A STRESSFULL 11 HOUR DRIVE SO VSO TREATED HERSELF TO TWO OF THE BEST THINGS FOR STRESS,BURRITO AND BEER.....WAS PRETTY GUID,FELT LIKE A WEE COMFORT BLANKET.

AFTER DRIVING AND PISSING IN 4 COUNTRIES WE ENDED UP FINALLY IN GERMANY!!!!!!!!

ANDY STAYED OUT ALL NITE SO VICKIE WENT INTO HIS ROOM AND DID SOME MIRROR ART....HE FUCKING SHAT HIMSELF.

SOME NICE KIDS THAT CAME AND HUNG OUT...

LOADING OUT IS A MASSIVE WHITEY AS STIG NOISE HAVE HUNNERS OF GEAR,GOOD THAT THOUGH EH?

BACK TO THE GIG THE NITE BEFORE THOUGH....

FEELING GOOD THE NEXT MORNING,ALL HAD NIPPY EYES AND FACES...LOVE IT!!!!!

POO POO BOY BAND POSE....

A WEE SHEEP MUST HAVE GOT INTO THE DRESSING ROOM...POO ALL OVER THE PLACE.

DIVORCE.....

MORE AMIENS ART.....

CLAIRE AND HER BF...SHE PUT THE SHOW ON AND WAS VERY LOVELY!!!!

JESUS SWAMPY PRINCESS BROONTOON DOING THE MERCH.....

STIG NOISE....

ART IN AMIENS....

AMIENS.......

VICKIES WEE PAL AGAIN....

UM,CATERING......

VICKIES WEE PAL CAME AND JOINED US....

BOOZE BRITAIN!!!!!

OLAAAAAAAAAAAAA............

BONJOUR.......

BONJOUR.....

WE HAVE ZERO FUNDS SO RAIDED THE CONTINENTAL FOR OUR LUNCH....

WHAT A WAKE UP.....BEAUTIFUL FRANCE AND CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST.

JENNIE TOOK A PEE IN A TOILET SOMEONE HAD DONE A NOT SO LUMPY POO IN,BET YOU THEY WERE FRENCH.

I STOPPED OFF AT THE CATHEDRAL ON THE FERRY,WHAT A SIGHT,IMAGINE BUILDING THAT ON A FERRY.

AFTER THEY CHECKED UNDER OUR VAN FOR DOG EGGS WITH SPECIAL MIRRORS ON A STICK WE GOT ON,YEAHHHHHH..HERE WE COME FRANCE.

SIGHT SEEING IN DOVER....SOME WHITE CLIFFS N THAT.

OH,BACK TO DOVER TO GET THE BOAT TO GET TO THE HOTEL IN FRANCE...EM,AYE.

THESE POSTS ARE KINNA JUMBLED,FORGIVE US,WE HAVENT DONE THE BLOG FOR A WHILE AND FORGOT TO POST IN ORDER...EM,SO HERES THE HOTEL WE GOT IN FRANCE.

LONDON YOU DIDNT DISSAPOINT US......FUKING RULE!

VICKIE DANCING IN HER NEW WEE SHOES.

THE FIRST OF THE OLD BLUE LAST GIGS...PLAYED LOADS THERE THIS TOUR.

TOUR WENT OFF TO A GREAT START...VSO MISSED THE 4AM MEGABUS,THE REST OF THE BAND SMOKED THEMSELVES INTO WEED OBLIVION..MANAGED TO GET THE 11AM BUS AND SPENT 30 QUID ON A TAXI TO GET TO THE FIRST SHOW...CANT TALK ...LONDON.

EURO TUNNELLING

2011-10-10T09:29:00.002+01:00

Finally the time has come; this week we'll be getting out of the UK and finally playing our first European shows. In the next two weeks we'll be hitting Germany, France, Belgium, Holland and the Czech Republic, all in the company of our excellent friends Stig Noise!. More info on the FB event page and on the poster below:

Before we manage to escape we'll be playing a show in London with Stig Noise and the excellent Dethscalator at The Old Blue Last in Shoreditch. This gig is free so there's really no excuse whatsoever for any of you to not turn up. FB event page.

Auf wiedersehen fuckers
=x=

FAST PRODUCT

2011-09-14T14:56:00.004+01:00

It was only two months ago when we had our last two singles released, which we presume you've already bought and bought, right? We haven't finished yet, there's more on the way.
We're excited to announce that we'll be releasing a third 7" on our long time friend Andrew's label MiLK, who we previously released our split cassette with Ultimate Thrush a couple of years back (and sold out quick, but you can download the tracks for free from Winning Sperm Party). Anyway, we're super excited about this!!
We're also super excited about our other forthcoming release, a split 10" ep (our THIRD 10"!) on the excellent SixSixSixties Records with the absolutely mindblowing Jailhouse Fuck!!!! Their previous 10" ep on Clan Destine Records is a ferocious, serrated, art-damaged masterpiece which no self-respecting noisepunk fan should be without, so we are seriously humbled to be sharing vinyl-space with them!

A quick reminder that our next Glasgow show will be on Wednesday September 28th at Stereo on Renfield Lane with New York post-punk legends UT and Glasgow's woozy, anti-pop abstracters North American War. Make sure you get a ticket now as it's going to be a damn sweet show!
Oh yeah, and we're away to Europe next month with Stig Noise!! Where? HERE. We're going to be playing a preliminary show with Stig Noise and the brilliant, brutal Dethscalator at The Old Blue Last in London on Thursday October 13th and it's free (info here). So flakey London friends: you have NO EXCUSE.
=x=

NEW RELEASE OUT TODAY

2011-09-06T10:15:00.004+01:00

The "Music Is The Music Language" festival that we played this past weekend was THE BEST FUN, not just to perform at but to attend. Fantastic atmosphere, excellent performers and faultless organisation by the esteemed Cry Parrot and Tracer Trails. There hasn't been a better weekend of music in Glasgow in a very long time!

WE HAVE A NEW RELEASE OUT TODAY!
We have just had two brand new, previous unreleased tracks released via Deathbomb Arc's digital singles club. For a subscription of $10 (that's not even £7) you will be sent a new download single EVERY WEEK!! Already they're nearly through the whole year (our cat. number is 48), having already released amazing music by Bitches, TEETH!!!, Batwings Catwings, C V L T S and a shit-ton more. Expect a new music overload!! More info & subscription sign-up is HERE!!!!!

OUR NEXT SHOW!! It's going to be a VERY big deal for us. We're extremely honoured to be sharing the stage with New York's legendary no-wave pioneers UT at Stereo on Renfield Lane in Glasgow on Wednesday September 28th. To say they are an influence for us is to do them a disservice, Ut (alongside bands like Teenage Jesus, Swans and DNA) are our personal musical year zero, a band that tore up the rulebook and made fresh, new, ugly/beautiful sounds. This is a truly unmissable show!!! Our friends North American War will also be playing, only adding to the excellence of this gig. BUY TICKETS HERE!
=x=

NEXT SHOW = NEXT WEEK // NEXT TOUR = OCTOBER

2011-08-17T15:23:00.003+01:00

First off, MASSIVE thank yous to everybody who came along to see us on our UK tour, it was great to see so many old pals and great making new ones too. Thanks also to all the promoters who put us on, we had an excellent time at every gig - seriously not a single stinker!! Our next show is next week in Edinburgh, which will be in full festival mode, overrun with shite comedians and jaw-breakingly dull conceptual dance troupes. The city's gonna need a wake-up and it'll get it from us, PETTYBONE, THE YOUNG SPOOKS and LORDS OF BASTARD!!! FB event page

Our next gig in Glasgow will be as part of the "Music Is The Music Language" weekender on the 3rd and 4th of September, being co-hosted by TRACER TRAILS and our good friends CRY PARROT. There are some seriously excellent acts on the bill of every style and genre, have a look at the FB event page for more details.

Cry Parrot will also be helping to host our following Glasgow show on Wednesday September 28th at Stereo. We are honoured to be sharing the stage with the uncompromising no-wave legends UT!!! Definitely an unmissable show! BUY TICKETS HERE

Finally, we're HELLA EXCITED to properly announce our first European tour!! We're heading out with our good friends from Brooksideland (aka Liverpool), STIG NOISE SOUNDSYSTEM!!. We'll be hitting France, Germany, Belgium and Holland, more info can be found at the FB event page helpfully set up by our awesome friends at Eine Welt Aus Hack Booking!

=x=

SWAMP ASS (AND DEEP THROATING TWISTERS) IN NOTTINGHAM

2011-08-15T01:23:00.012+01:00

WE STAYED AT BTHE LOVELY BELLA GEDGES HOUSE.....HER

MOM WAS AWAY SO SHE INVITED US BACK FOR A PARTY..

.SHES JUST HAD THE SNIP THOUGH AS SHE KEPT HANGING

WITH THE LOCAL BOY CATS SO SHE WAS A WEE BIT GRUMPY....MEAAAAAW LOOK HOW MENTAL SHE LOOKS WHEN DOUGIE GAVE HER SOME

ATTENTION,SHE KNEW SHE LIKED HIM BUT REALISED THERE WAS

NOTHING HAPPENING DOWN BELOW DUE TO HAVING HER WOMB

RIPPED OUT,WEE SHAME WE HAD TO LOCK SWAMPY BROONTOON OUT AS HE KEPT

HARRASSING HER,POOR WEE BELLA... NOTHING LIKE WARMING UP THE VOCAL CHORDS IN THE MORNING

EVEN THOUGH ONLY JENNIE SINGS WE ALL LIKE TO PARTAKE

IN VOCAL WARM UPS JENNIES THE BEST AT DEEP THROATING DOUGIE IS MORE OF A GIVER THAT A TAKER APPARENTLY I STLL DONT REALLY LIKE DOING VOCAL THROAT WARM UPS...

JUST SEEMS KINNNA WRONG TO ME GUILTY PARENTS , WE PLAYED WITH THEM A COUPLE OF TIMES

BEFORE...WEE LINE UP CHANGE BUT FUCKING AS HEAVY AS EVER...

YOU SHOULD CHECK EM OUT TOO..

DIET PIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSS YO!!!!!!! HEAVY AS FUCK!!!!!!! GAZ HAD LAID OFF THE PORT THIS TIME SO HE COULD STAND

UP AND SING...BRILLZO DIVORCE.....MUHHHHUUUUUU THERE WAS NAE BURD FEED SO VICKIE MADE DO WITH TANYAS

VERY DELICIOUS VEGAN BROWNIE CRUMBS AND A WEE BIT OF SHITE TO RUB AL OVER HER TEETH...

HMMMM JOBBIES APPARENTLY ENNIES A BIT ALLERGIC TO JOBBIES AND THEY MADE

HER GO HYPER... JOBBIE OVERLOAD CRASHING AND BURNING ON JOBBIES....POOR JENNIE THEN SHE THREW IT UP... THEN SHE FELT GREAT...APPARENTLY ITS LIKE TAKING MUSHIES,YOU SPEW THEN YOU FEEL AMAAAAAAAAAZING!!!!! HOW YOU DOING????????? MEAW MEAW MEAW....TANYA AND STEVES HOUSE RULED,

PUNK ROCK HOUSE WITH CAT PLACE MATS!!!!!!! BYE EVERYONE....

WE HAVE FINISHED OUR TOUR,HOPEFULLY WE DONT SPLIT UP

BEFORE THE EUROPE ONE....KEEP POSTED FOR MORE SHITE TALKING

......AND EATING.=X=

BABOOOOOONTOOOOON IN NORWICH

2011-08-14T20:28:00.007+01:00

JENNIE AND BROONTOON WORKING THE MERCH CIRCUIT MDMA BRITAIN BOOZE BRITAIN KHAN FEVER FEVER B.ASS MASTER SET UP HOLY SHIT , WHERE DO WE BEGIN,THIS IS THE FUCKING SHIT,...YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW GROSS THE SHIT IS DEALING WITH THIS MAN ON TOUR....SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!! BROONTOONS SCENT ATTRACTING A NEW FRIEND,FUCKING RANK!!!! HE MOTHERFUKEING LICKED THE SNAIL AND DRANK HIS BOOZE OUT THIS GLASS THAT HAD A BIG MOTHERFUKING SNAILTRAIL UP IT.....FUCKING RAAAAAAAANK!!!!!!! TAN SOCKS SUNBURN STOCKINGS

PLAY SOME OLD SONGS IN LONDON...FAAWK YOUUUU!!!!!

2011-08-14T19:56:00.011+01:00

UPSET THE RHYTHM MOTHERFUKERS THE BOUNCERS WERE CUNTS,THEY FRISKED ANDYS SWAMPY BALLS SO WE FUCKED OFF TO THE VAN AND DRANK MAGNUM N HAD A VAN PARTY VAN PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY DOING CIRCUITS ROON THE CAR PARK STEAMING ON RAPE JUICE..OH HAI GUYS WHERE THE FUCK WE GOING!!!!????? HOW FAR IS IT TO ROTTA-DAM POPPER FLAVOUR MAGIK TREEEEEEEEEEE VICKIE HAD A QUICK SHIT BEHIND THE VAN FANCY LEGGING STYLING THERE WAS AMAZING GRAFFITI ON ALL THE COURTYARD OF THE VENUE SOME BIG SPAZZY BOUGHT A TSHIRT AND WORE IT AT THE GIG POUNDLAND DID A POSY IT NOTE CAMPAIGN TO STOP JUNKIES AND DOLE SCUM RIOTING JENNE SPEWED OVER THE MONITORS WEE GINGER CAT AWWWWWWWWWWWW WEE BLACK N WHITE CAT AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW PRRRRRR PRRRRRRRR MEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW

WE PLAYED BRIGHTON PRIDE .....BUT WE AINT NO GOD DAM LESBIAN BAND

2011-08-14T19:37:00.010+01:00

SUNNY BRIGHTON BEACHTHE RIDER WE GOT WAS DEAD SALTY FAMILY DAY OUT KICKING ANDYS CUNT IN,WE ARE PRETTY SICK OF HIM NOW

SO WE TRIED TO STONE HIM TO DEATH

JENNIE GOT STONED OUT HER MIND AGAIN

BOOZE BRITON NASAL BEACH TREATMENT TO CLEAR THE BOGIEZZZZ HERBAL HOT STONE TREATMENT FOR ORAL THRUSH VICKIES GOING TO THE BEACH DENTIST LATER JENNIES GOING TO GET HER EYES CHECKED OUT ANDY LOOKS LIKE ANYONE WITH A BEARD,SERIOUSY MEXICAN ROUND 1 , BETTER THAN THE CAPTAINS REST BURRITOS BROONTOON DOUBLING UP....D.P BURRITO STYLING ANDY AULD IS A CUNT....NAW HES A GUID GUY SEALINGS...LOVELY WEE BOYS DIVORCE.....HORRIBLE LITTLE BASTARDS JENIE FELT THE NEED TO JUMP ON TABLE, CANNY TAKE HER ANYWHERE APPARENTLY BAD AIDS COMES IN BOTTLES NOW SO YOU DONT

EVEN HAVE TO BE A JUNKIE OR HAVE GAY SEX TO GET IT JENNIE LOST THE PLOT AND DECIDED TO CHANGE HER LOOK

TO JAIKEY AKA ..ANDY BROONTOON CHILLING IN BRIGHTON....FUCKING LOVE BRIGHTON,ANYONE

LOOKING FOR A NEW VSO?,WILLING TO TRAVEL,GSOH,FTM,BYOB,

HIV,JJB,LOL,JCB,LLMAHSHSHDDK BROONTOON HASNT SHOWERED FOR A WEEK,CAN YU TELL? BRIGHTON CAME UP TRUMPS FOR VSO...GOT A NEW BASS AND

FUCKING DAVE MUSTAINE LEFT HIS GUITAR CASE HERE LAST TIME

MEGADETH PLAYED...I BOUGHT IT,FOR 20 QUID YO!!!!!!

HANGING OUT WITH HOWARD MARKS/JOHN COOPER CLARKE IN TAMMY WYNETES TRAILER IN LEAMINGTON SPA.

2011-08-14T12:28:00.005+01:00

PIZZA (EXPRESS)PARTY IN LEAMINGTON SPA HMMMMMMM PIZZA FUCKING LOVE PIZZA DIVORCE DO MAKING LOVE TO THE PIZZA N DOUGH BALLS FARRIS ROTTER FROM THE HORRORS HAS A NEW SIDE PROJECT IN LEMINGTON SPA ACTUALLY IT IS REALLY HIS WEE BROTHERS BAND...THE CROWD WENT WILD FOR A BIT OF FARRIS JUNIORS BITTY THE DUDE THAT USED TO BE IN CSI TURNED UP..WELL HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE GUY FROM THE I.T CROWD...EITHER WAY HE WAS A FUCKING DICK,WHO GOES TO A GIG AND STANDS UP THE FRONT GRABBING THE MIC?,HMM....A NEEDY MOTHERFUKER FROM CSI OR THE I.T CROWD THATS WHO....FUCKIN DICK!!!!!! JENNIE GOT SICK OF ROLLING ABOUT THE FLOOR SO DECIDED TO GET UP ON THE VINTAGE ROAD RUNNER RUNNER RIDE AND RIDE THE SHIT OUT OF IT BROON'SNAIL'TOON MANAGED TO PULL A COUPLE OF BURNT OUT BANGER SSTERS AND TOOK THEM TO HIS TRAILER FOR A PUMP THEY WERENT INTO IT AS THEY WERE LESBIANS SO WE DECIDED TO GET THE CLEANING PRODUCTS OUT AND CLEAN THE TRAILER INSTEAD...SEE WE ARE A WELL BEHAVED BAND,YOU CN TAKE US ANYWHERE...WELL, 3 OF US A PINK HENRIETTA HOOVER MOTHERFUKERS.....ONLY THE BEST FOR TAMMY WYNETTE YO...OH YEAH,THAT ACTUALLY IS TAMMYS OLD TRAILER WE ARE IN....FANCY BITCH,THAT KLF SONG PAID OFF EH?,SHE KEPT THE SEATS COVERED IN CLINGFILM THOUGH AS SHE HEARD ANDY WAS COMING THEN HOWARD MARKS TURNED UP...HE BROUGHT A BIN BAG FULL OF WEED AND HIM AND THE BANGER SISTERS PROCEEDED TO SMOKE IT ALL... HE DIDNT EVEN OFFER US ANY,HE MADE US CLEAN THE COOKER AFTER HE BURNED IT HOT KNIFING...FUCKING CUNT RIGHT GUYS....YU BLOOODY WELL BETTER GET THE HELL OUT MY TRAILER,BLOODY LOVELY BAST'ADS YU!!!!!! IM FROM WALES YO!!!!! SO YEAH....WE LEFT!

LETS SEE SOME TIIIIIIIIIIIIIITS.....IN CARDIFF

2011-08-11T09:40:00.008+01:00

SORRY! CARDIFF, IT HAS A BIG OLE CASTLE. AND SOME JAIKEYS ON THE FRONT LAWN. IT ALSO HAS CHURCHES WITH WINDOWS

ON UPSIDE DOWN. AND THEY LET SATANISTS IN. OH AND GAYS...FUCK THEY WILL LET

ANY CUNT IN CHURCHES NOWADAYS. EVERYONE WAS WEARING THE NATIONAL DRESS. DOUGIES POOFY TOWEL. JENNIE HANGING OUT LOKING FOR BUSINESS

OUTSIDE THE CAR PARK.

SOME NICE SCAFFOLDING SHIT AT THE

MILLENNIUM STADIUM.

BORED IN A CAR PARK SO ONLY ONE THING FOR IT.....

VSO FLEETWOOD MAC NAZI YOUTH HAIR SALON IS

OPEN. WE ONLY HAD DOUGIES PUBE STRIMMERS SO

USED THEM. HMMMM SHAVEY AND PUBEY. RUN WALK!!!!! NO WAIT SLOW DOWN. WE PLAYED WITH RUN,WALK. AND THE LOVELY DRAINS. JENNIE HAVING HER HALF HOURLY FREEKOUT. DEAR SANTA...I WOULD LIKE A NEW BIKE

AND AN ASSMASTER FOR MY XMAS

..LOVE VSO XXXXX

MANCHESTER(BLOG ENTRY POSTPONED DUE TO THE RIOTING)

2011-08-11T09:20:00.010+01:00

BARBEROS.......THESE GUYS ARE FUCKING SICK!!!

DIVORCE 75% OF DIVORCE TAKE THEIR DENTAL HYGIENE VERY

SERIOUSLY. OPEN WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE! RAINY MANCHESTER FROM AN 8TH FLOOR APARTMENT.

DOUGIE OUR TOUR DRIVER HAS TAKEN TIME

OUT HIS BUSY SCHEDULE AS A CHESNEY HAWKES

LOOKALIKE.

FUCK IT, A FIVER?,THATS CHEAPER THAN

ONE OF OUR GIGS...BYE MANCHESTER,

WE LOVE YU LONG TIME!!!!!!

NO WAIT , THIS IS THE MOST BORING BLOG POST EVER....ROUNDABOUTS.

2011-08-09T10:25:00.007+01:00

POSSIBLY THE MOST BORING BLOG UPDATE EVER...ROUNDABOUTS AND WELL,ROUNDABOUTS.WE ARE IN MILTON KEYNES.

2011-08-09T00:28:00.020+01:00

"WET BANDIT" VIDEO // EDINBURGH SHOW w/ PETTYBONE // UK TOUR STARTS SUNDAY

2011-08-05T16:34:00.005+01:00

Our amazing, talented friend Anna McCarthy has made a video for our newest release "Wet Bandit" (which can be picked up over at the Gravy Records website). MASSIVE THANK YOUS ANNA WE LOVE YOU!!!!!

DIVORCE - wet bandit from Anna McCarthy on Vimeo.

We're super-excited to announce that we're playing at The Wee Red Bar in the Edinburgh College of Art (in, uh, Edinburgh) with London's awesome PETTYBONE. Keep Thursday August 25th free (FB event page.

Before that we'll be heading out on tour, starting from this Sunday in Manchester at the righteous Fat Out Fest! Details are in our tour FB event page. Hope to see you at one of the shows!

=x=

"WET BANDIT" RELEASED TODAY

2011-07-25T10:11:00.008+01:00

We're extremely honoured to have our second single of the month released TODAY! "Wet Bandit" is limited to 500 copies and is available to order at the Gravy Records website NOW!

"Love Attack", our first single released earlier this month, can also still be ordered from Night School Records.

We're heading out on the road around the UK in August (FB tour event page here), here are the dates:

MONDAY 1st: GLASGOW
Stereo, 20-28 Renfield Lane G2 6PH
(with MANATEES, CITIZENS and THE DOWNS) FB event page

SUNDAY 7th: MANCHESTER (FAT OUT FEST)
The Islington Mill, James Street, Salford M3 5HW
(with ACTION BEAT, STIG NOISE SOUNDSYSTEM, BARBEROS and more)
FB event page

MONDAY 8th: MILTON KEYNES
The Buszy, 401 Elder Gate, MK9 1LR

TUESDAY 9th: CARDIFF
The Undertone, 12 Church Street, Cardiff CF10 1BG
(with DRAINS and Run, WALK!)
FB event page

WEDNESDAY 10th: LEMINGTON SPA
The Assembly (downstairs), Spencer Street CV31 3NF
(with BLOOM and SKINNY LIMBS)
FB event page

THURSDAY 11th: BRIGHTON
The Green Door Store, Trafalgar Arches, Lower Goods Yard BN1 4FQ
FB event page

FRIDAY 12th: LONDON (YES WAY 3 FESTIVAL)
The Bussey Building, 133 Rye Lane SE15 4ST
(with PLEASE, BEN BUTLER & MOUSEPAD, SILVER FOX, SPIN SPIN THE DOGS and more)
FB event page

SATURDAY 13th: NORWICH
The Crypt, Take 5, 17 Tombland NR3 1HF
(with FEVER FEVER and KHAN)
***"WET BANDIT" 7" launch nite***
FB event page

SUNDAY 14th: NOTTINGHAM
The Chameleon, 17 Angel Row NG1 6GL
(with GUILTY PARENTS and DIET PILLS)
FB event page

AND - if you're still reading this far... we're in the process of sorting out our first tour of mainland Europe for the October, along with our good friends STIG NOISE SOUNDSYSTEM. Dates are still being finalised, but right now it looks like we'll be hitting Holland, Germany, Luxembourg and Belgium. More news as it appears.

=x=

"LOVE ATTACK" RELEASED TODAY

2011-07-11T09:53:00.004+01:00

We're happy to announce that our new 7" single "Love Attack" is released today on the magnificent Night School Records. It comes wrapped in a hand-screenprinted sleeve and is limited to 250 copies. If you order it quick from HERE you might still get one of the 50 limited red screenprinted covers. Massive massive thanks to Michael for the time, effort and ca$h he's put into doing the record, what a guy!
Also, just a quick reminder that our next single "Wet Bandit" will be released in two weeks time on Gravy Records. It's available for pre-order HERE

We're heading out on tour next month as well. Here's the information as it stands just now:

=x=

BASS AND BURRITO LORDS!!!!!

2011-06-14T16:03:00.004+01:00

GLASGOW RULES AT TWO THINGS AS FAR AS WE CAN SEE......METAL AND MEXICAN.....AND OUR PAL JOE QUIMBY LOVES THEM SO MUCH HES USING THE SPARE TIME HE HAS WHEN HE ISNAE PLAYING METAL TO TALK ABOUT AND EAT BURRITOS....

GO CHECK OOT HIS BLOG AND GET HUNGRY MUTHERFUKERS!!!!!!

http://glasgowmegaburrito.blogspot.com

WE HAVE NEWS

2011-05-26T01:06:00.007+01:00

We're really really excited to announce we've got not just one, but TWO 7" singles coming out in the coming months! We will then be heading out on the road in August for another UK tour!
FIRST UP: "Love Attack" b/w "Meating" will be released on the fantastic Night School Records on June 27th in a black screen-printed sleeve. It's limited to 300 copies, plus the first 50 bought through mail-order will have a RED screen-printed sleeve, so go to the Night School site & pre-order this fucker NOW.
AFTER THAT: "Wet Bandit" b/w "Dildine" will be released on the equally fantastic Gravy Records on July 25th. Pre-orders will be up soon
AND THEN WE TOUR: Next job will be to hit the road and shift the units. We've got a full UK tour planned in August; here's the information so far:

FRI 5th: NEWCASTLE - Head Of Steam

SAT 6th: LIVERPOOL - Wolstenholme Creative Space
(w/ ACTION BEAT and STIG NOISE SOUNDSYSTEM)

SUN 7th: MANCHESTER - The Islington Mill
(FAT OUT FEST w/ ACTION BEAT, STIG NOISE SOUNDSYSTEM, BARBEROS and more)

MON 8th: MILTON KEYNES - The Buszy

TUE 9th: CARDIFF - The Undertone
(w/ DRAINS)

WED 10th: LEMINGTON SPA - venue TBC
(w/ T3ETH)

THU 11th: BRIGHTON - The Green Door Store

FRI 12th: LONDON - venue TBC
(YES WAY 3 FESTIVAL)

SAT 13th: NORWICH - The Crypt
(w/ FEVER FEVER)

SUN 14th: NOTTINGHAM - Stuck On A Name Studios
(w/ DIET PILLS)

More information as we get it... that will do for now though.
=x=

UNDER THE BRIDGE DOWNTOWN

2011-05-25T18:37:00.002+01:00

What we did last Sunday:

=x=

OUTDOOR GENERATOR GIG TODAY!

2011-05-22T13:03:00.002+01:00

XXXTREMELY LAST MINUTE HEADS UP!

We're playing an outdoor generator gig today in Glasgow, underneath a railway bridge next to West Street Underground. It looks a bit like this:
The show is courtesy of the always awesome Winning Sperm Party. Also playing are Smack Wizards (download their album from WSP for free!).
THE SHOWS STARTS AT 5pm SHARP!!!! £2 DONATION TO PAY FOR FUEL!!
This will definitely 100% be the last time we play in Glasgow for a few months too. Should be a fucking RIOT!!!
Facebook event page HERE
=x=

FUNDON / APPEAL / NEXT GIG

2011-05-03T12:54:00.007+01:00

We had a fantastic weekend, playing at both Optimo (Espacio)'s epic anti-royal wedding party on Friday and also down in London at The Camden Crawl. Thank you to everybody who showed up to watch us & gave us such a warm reception, thanks also to all the organisers who treated us perfectly and had us want for nothing. It was so great to see so many good friends and great bands over the weekend too, at both the crawl and at the Night School Japan Tsunami Appeal all-dayer on the Sunday. Wow I think we kinda like London a lot...!! You can read VSO's full personal account of the weekend with pictures in the previous post.

Speaking of the Japan Tsunami Appeal, we're honoured to have a track included on the "APPEAL" compilation tape released by Night School Records. There's another 34(!) amazing bands who have donated tracks to this tape, of which all profits go towards helping the victims of the devastation. Buy a copy immediately here.

Our next show is back on home-soil. On Monday May 16th we're playing with the devastating Italian avant-garde sludge duo OvO. Their albums on the esteemed Loads Records are truly punishing documents of unhinged damaged noise. REALLY excited about this one!! Also on the bill are Gropetown and Hivver, so this is guaranteed to be a ferocious evening, BE PREPARED.

=x=

CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADANTAAAAAAAAAAWN AND THE BEAR SUIT.

2011-05-02T09:16:00.018+01:00

HERE WE, HERE WE, HERE WE FUCKIN GO!!!!!! ||VICKIE GETTING HERSELF RIGHT PSYCHED FOR THE OPTIMO SHOW.

HANGING OUT IN THE GREEN ROOM,WE WERE THE FIRST TO USE IT AND JENNIE LEFT FOOTPRINTS ALL OVER THE WALL AND BROKE THE JACKET RAIL TO CELEBRATE.

OPTIMO ANTI ROYAL WEDDING PARTY AT STUDIO WAREHOUSE...IT GOT A BIT MUCH FOR JENNIE SO SHE HAD TO HAVE A WEE SIT DOWN ON STAGE.

IT GOT A BIT MUCH FOR HER AGAIN SO SHE PASSED OUT IN THE GREEN ROOM AFTER,ANDY ALSO FELT A BIT POOPED SO HE HAD A WEE SEAT ON JENNIES BUTT.

SO WE ALL MADE IT JUST FOR OUR EARLY TRAIN TO LONDRES,VSO HAD TO BE SCRAPED OFF A TOILET FLOOR AND PAPPED INTO A TAXI AND VICKIE HAD A EARLY MORNING DEAD FINGER FAG BREAK ON THE TRAIN.

JENNIE TOOK MINUTES TO DECIDE IT WAS TIME FOR HER JAMMIES TO GET PUT ON...SHE DIDNAE ACTUALLY TAKE THEM OFF THE WHOLE THREE DAYS,SHE HAD TO SOAK HERSELF IN A BATH WHEN WE GOT BACK AS IT HAD FUSED TO HER SKIN.

ANDY TOOK A WEE BIT OF SMACK ON THE TRAIN,OH WHAT FUN TO BE HAD ON A TRAIN, ALL IN THE FIRST HOUR AS WELL..ANYWAY, HE PASSED OUT AND WE DECIDED TO GIVE HIM TINFOIL COCK AND BALLS FOR HIS HEAD.

DIVORCE ARE A CREATIVE BUNCH, THERE WERE MANY MINUTES SPENT DRAWING WITH RED SHARPIES ON BITS OF PAPER...IT WENT THROUGH ONTO THE NICE TABLE BUT NOONE MINDED.

WE ARRIVED AT OUR FIRST CAAAAAAAAAMDAAAAAWN CRAWL GIG, THIS IS THE SIGHT THAT GREETED US, IT WASNT ALL OF IT EITHER....GOD BLESS GAYMERS AND DESPERADOS...MHHHH MHHHHHHHH!!!

EAR PLUGS HAVE MANY MANY USES NOT INVOLVING YR EARS....VSO LIKES TO SUPERGLUE THEM TO HER FACE TO MAKE HERSELF MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE.

SO OUR FIRST GIG WAS A BLAST,EARLY SHOW 7PM BUT THE CROWD WAS WELL UP FOR IT, JOHN KENNEDY FROM XFM CURATED THE NIGHT AND EVEN GOT ON STAGE TO DO A SONG WITH US.

VSO GAVE HER CAMERA TO KEEX FROM COMANECHI TO TAKE PICTURES AND ALL SHE TOOK WERE PICTURES OF VSOS CROTCH.

JENNIE GOING NUTS.

KEEX EATING, SHE LOVES FOOD!!... ..THIS WAS FROM ONE OF THOSE STALLS THAT PUT EVERYTHING DOWN TO 3 QUID AT NIGHT TIME BECAUSE ITS BEEN FESTERING IN THE SUN ALL DAY,IT WAS DELICIOUS.

WE WENT TO SEE OUR FRIENDS VERONICA FALLS PLAY AFTER, THEY WERE BRILLIANT, IT WAS PACKED OUT AS WELL.

THEN OFF TO SEE THE AMAZING FEVER FEVER .....THEY ALSO FUCKING RULED.

THEN ALL THE WAY ACROSS CAMDEN TOWN , TO SEE OUR FAVOURITE BITCHES....COMANECHI, THEY HAVE A NEW DRUMMER SO KEEX CAN DO A BIT OF AEROBICS AT THE FRONT OF THE STAGE......THEY HAD A COUPLE OF NEW SONGS THAT WERE FUCKING AMAZING....THEY JUST GET BETTER AND BETTER AND ARE PROBABLY THE MOST ENTERTAINING LIVE BAND YOU WILL SEE.

WE WENT BACK TO THE LOVVELY BLAKE AND STAZ FROM BITCHES HOUSE, STAZ DROPPED HER TROUSERS TO SHOW OFF HER AMAZING TATTOO.....A CAT DRINKING TEA, HOW LOVELY!

WE HAD TAKEN THE MAJORITY OF THE RIDER HOME AND WERE OUT OUR MINDS ON SUGAR LACED TEQUILA FLAVOURED BEER.....THEN THE BEAR COSTUME CAME OUT.

THEN THE PUMP CAME OUT......PUMPERS LIKE TO PUMP!!!!!!

PUMP PUMP PUMP IT!!!!!!!

VSO TURNED INTO THE WEIRDEST LOOKING BEAR OF THEM ALL....

THEN THE BASS CAME OUT.....SLAPPING DA BASS MAN!!!!

STAZ HAD A WEE GO AS WELL, EVERYONE LOVES THE BEAR COSTUME.

JENNIE WOKE UP FROM HER LIE LOW BALCONY SUITE AND HEARD A BIG OLE COMMOTION OUTSIDE.

IT WAS THE COMMUNISTS GOING BY.

THEY HAD TAKEN SOME FOLK HOSTAGE AND BEATEN THEM UP.

BACK OFF TO CAMDEN TOWN.....WE GOT MEAL TICKETS FOR BOTH DAYS,WE HUNG OUT WITH RAZORLIGHT AND THE LEMONHEADS IN THE DINER,IT WAS BRILLIANT, ANDY GOT A BIG HOTDOG.

ANDY LOVES HIS HOTDOG....MHH MHHHHHH.

VSO GOT THE HOTDOG AS WELL.......WAS PRETTY GUID APART FROM IT MAINLY CONSISTING OF DOG TOENAILS AND COW EYELASHES.

GIG THREE....WE PLAYED AT AN ALL DAYER JAPAN BENEFIT FOR NITESCHOOL RECORDS, WAS DOWN IN FINSBURY...IT HAD A MAMA MIA POSTER ON THE CEILING???!!!..THIS WAS ANDY DOING HIS EVIL POSE.

THEN HIS JESUS POSE.

JENNIE IN HER BEAR SUIT.

SOME HIPSTERS IN THE CROWD DOING THE HOKEY COKEY.

BLAKE AND STAZ FROM BITCHES.

DAM MANTLE...HE PLAYED THE SHOW WITH US IN CAMDEN LATER ON,THERES NO PICS OF US AS WE DIDNT KNOW ANYONE IN THE CROWD, BUT IT LOOKED PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS THE PICTURES FROM THE ALL DAYER MINUS THE MAMA MIA POSTERS....JUST TRY AND IMAGINE...WE GOT THE SAME RIDER AGAIN,YOU CAN GUESS HOW FUCKED UP WE ENDED....

THIS......

FUCKED......

UP........

THE END.

ON THE AIR || ROYAL WEDDING

2011-04-01T08:19:00.005+01:00

Thanks loads to everybody who came along to our show at the Glasgow School Of Art on Wednesday night, it was great fun, awesome lightshow!!

Andy managed to push through a raging post-gig hangover yesterday afternoon and offered barely-coherent chat on It's Only Records Paul, the new radio show on Subcity hosted by Paul Thomson, the guy that used to drum in The Yummy Fur. The show can be streamed HERE.

NEXT GIG. We're going to guests of honour at an alternative royal wedding party being hosted by our esteemed friends OPTIMO (ESPACIO)... we always felt we'd be the perfect wedding band. It's happening on Friday April 29th at SWG3 Studio Warehouse in Glasgow, flyer below::::
=x=

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKERS

2011-03-28T12:27:00.002+01:00

We're playing this coming Wednesday at Knock Knock, the new mid-week club night at The Art School in Glasgow. Also appearing in DJ form will be the mighty fine ERRORS.
Doors open at 10:30pm and entry is £3/£5.
Information on the FB event page.
=x=

NEXT SHOW -- MONDAY -- w/ KIT

2011-03-17T12:45:00.004Z

We're playing our next show in Glasgow this coming Monday, and it's gonna be truly awesome.
We're supporting the mighty KIT (Upset The Rhythm Records) from California, who include in their ranks Vice Cooler, of XBXRX and Hawnay Troof.
Also on the bill are Neighbourhood Gout, a brand new band featuring members past and present of bands like Gay Against You, Eternal Fags and Tangles. Great times!
More info on the facebook event page.

KIT VIDEO EXCELLENCE:

Kit "Ambrosia" from who ate my teeth? on Vimeo.

Kit "Rain" from who ate my teeth? on Vimeo.

=x=

CROC MADAME VS CROC MONSIEUR IS BACK!

2011-03-04T03:52:00.006Z

A bit late in announcing this but later today (04.03.11) we're going to be playing at the grand return on CROC MADAME vs. CROC MONSIEUR!

It's a scar-studded affair - also on the bill are REMEMBER REMEMBER, ULTIMATE THRUSH, PRO LIFE, NORTH AMERICAN WAR, TANGLES, THE COSMIC DEAD, BONG MONSTER, THE JOHN KNOX SEX CLUB and GROPETOWN

HOLY SHIT.

It's happening at the Glasgow School Of Art, everything starts at 8pm and it's £5 in.

More info on the Facebook event page. Not to be missed!

=x=

CAMDEN CRAWL 2011

2011-02-23T13:01:00.002Z

We've been invited to play this year's Camden Crawl down in London, taking place over May bank holiday weekend (Saturday April 20th and Sunday May 1st).
Follow the link below to view the line-up and pick up tickets.

=x=

GLASGOW GIG

2011-01-29T17:01:00.002Z

The lovely folks at Winning Sperm Party filmed our recent show in Glasgow.

They also recorded ULTIMATE THRUSH and a bit of CHILD ABUSE too - thank you guys!
HUGE HUGE thanks to everybody that came to our shows with Child Abuse, and to everybody that sorted out a show for us, helped us out and put a roof over our head. It was chaos in every way, good and bad, but it was amazing! We're not afraid to say WE LOVE CHILD ABUSE!!
=x=

NEXT WEEK

2011-01-11T14:38:00.001Z

=x=

NEW THINGS

2010-12-18T13:35:00.001Z

WE LOOK LIKE THIS NOW

WE SOUND LIKE THIS NOW Divorce - Love Attack by Andy Browntown

Hope you enjoy. See you in January =x=

CHILD ABUSE AND DIVORCE: UK, JANUARY 2011

2010-12-01T00:25:00.003Z

DATES FOR THE DIARY.
We're playing a bunch of shows with New York's ferocious Child Abuse in January 2011. They are absolutely not to be missed, they will fuck you up completely.

FRIDAY 21st: GLASGOW, Captains Rest
SATURDAY 22nd: NEWCASTLE, Head Of Steam
SUNDAY 23rd: MANCHESTER, Islington Mill
MONDAY 24th: LONDON, The Victoria

More info to follow, hope to see you at the crime-scene.

=x=

NEWS

2010-11-12T01:34:00.002Z

NOW:
New vocalist and new jams: say hello to Jennie Fulk.

NEXT:
recordings, releases, UK shows with New York's Child Abuse, January 2011

More news very very soon.
=x=

CH CH CHANGES.....

2010-10-20T09:31:00.005+01:00

It's never fun to have to break sad news but that's what we've gotta do.

It's with a heavy heart that we've gotta announce the departure of both Hillary and Sinead from Divorce. All that needs to be known is that they've left on amicable terms, we still love them very very much and wish them every success with their future plans, musical and otherwise (Hillary is carrying on with her Blood Of The Bull and Phat Trophies projects and Sinead has some exciting new things coming around the corner).

After much serious discussion, we have decided to carry on with Divorce. We're going to spend the forthcoming months working on a new set of songs and seeking out new partners in noise to work with. In the meantime we'll be lying low but hopefully it won't be for long.

D =x=

LAST EVER TOUR POST,CANT EVEN BE BOTHERED MAKING ONE,HERES ONE KEEX MADE EARLIER.

2010-10-11T12:31:00.004+01:00

http://exceedinglygoodkeex.blogspot.com/2010/10/london-wedensday-29th-september-2010.html

Charmicarmicat show 15

2010-10-10T19:33:00.001+01:00

Vickie's radio show Charmicarmicat is back, abuse your ears HERE

//////////////

2010-10-10T19:28:00.003+01:00

OH NO, Bouncer did a shit in the pool!

2010-10-10T19:25:00.000+01:00

WEEKEND AT BERNIES.

2010-10-03T13:27:00.001+01:00

WALK WITH THE WIZARD MUTHERFUKERS!

2010-10-01T10:14:00.000+01:00

WOT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED,NO...WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?

2010-09-29T10:27:00.005+01:00

GOT MY STAGE OUTFIT FOR TONITE......GOANIE TRY N LOSE TEN STONE IN THE VAN FROM BIRMINGHAM TO CARDIFF BY WORKING OUT LIKE A BITCH.....ID FUKING LOVE TO BE A PUMPKIN,SERIOUSLY,FOR REALZ.

NO,BUT WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?

OH,WAIT.....WE JUST GOT A HALF PAGE ADD IN VICE MAGAZINE..SELLING OUT AGAIN GUYS,ITS FINE METALLICA DID IT EVERY NITE!

BEST TOUR MATES EVER........SERIOUSLY,FUKING LOVE THESE CUNTS,SO MUCH SO I SLAM ELBOWED SIMON IN BED LAST NITE IN MY SLEEP,ALSO HIT AKIKO,SHE NOW HAS A BLACK EYE FOR THE FINAL GIG OF THE TOUR TONITE....THE WEDDING / THE DIVORCED SHOW.

WE GOT OUR RIDER BEFORE WE EVEN PLAYED IN CARDIFF,WHAT A MISTAKE....WE TANKED A BOTTLE OF JD AND 25 BEERS BEFORE EVEN PLAYING,I WAS SO FUKED I THOUGHT I WAS IN SLAYER......VICKIE ATE A WHOLE NANA CAKE AND 10 CANS OF RED BULL,SHE WAS OFF HER TITS N PLAYED WITH A PACKET OF BACON STRAPPED OVER HER SHOULDERS N BACK.

NO BUT SERIOUSLY,WAIT,....WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?

GIG WAS PRETTY ANGRY AND AGGRESSIVE,EVEN THOUGH THE CROWD WERE A BIT SUBDUED...I WAS READY TAE FUKING PUNCH VICKIE.

THE CROWD.....I MISS GLASGOW AND LONDON CROWDS AS THEY DO HUMAN PYRAMIDS,I GUESS IF PEOPLE HAVENT SEEN YU BEFORE IT MAYBE FEELS A BIT AWKWARD DOING FORWARD ROLLS N STAR JUMPS N SHIT....MAYBE SECOND VISIT EH?

SIMONS LOOKING KINNA HOT WITH HIS WEE BOW TIE....I REALLY NEED TO GET HOME TO MY BIRD,SPENDING EVERY NIGHT IN BED WITH SIMON I THINK I MAY BE TURNING STRAIGHT...FUCK THAT SHIT!!!!!!...I THINK AKIKOS GROSS THOUGH...ALSO,WE ARE NOT A LESBIAN BAND !

ANDY FUKING LOVES DOING MERCH,BOOZE,FAGS AND TOURING...OH AND BIG BOOBS!

SIMON LOOKING GOOD AGAIN..KEEX IS SORTA OKAY.

HILLARY TRYING TAE LICK THE SPLASHY DREGS OF JD OFF THE TABLE,WE RAN OUTTA BOOZE AND WERE GAGGING ON HAVING EVEN A WIFF OF ALCOHOL....TOTAL ALKIES.

JEN AND JOHN THE PROMOTERS....LOVELY FOLKS!

JENS NANNA,SHE MADE THE FUKING AMAZING CAKE AND IS A MEGA GWAR FAN.....SHE IS FUKING COOL!

AKIKO IS NEARLY AS BIG AS THE NANA CAKE.....SHES ARIGHT,SHES A MEGA D.P FAN...SHE EVEN HAS IT IN HER POSTCODE.

KBS ...MORE LIKE FUKING IBS.......KEEX WAS IN THE TOILET FOR AN HOUR THIS MORNING.....I STUCK TO NAAN SHISH SALAD THING.....I FEEL DEAD FRESH TODAY WITHOUT A SORE BUM.

FRESH,DEAD BURNY,FRESH.....

BIG CUP AND A BIG FINGER.

BIG CUP AND A BIG DOSE OF VALIUM.....MHHHHHHHEEEEELTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

SIMON IN BED READY TO HAVE A BIG WANK WITH HIS BIG HAND.

I SAW A CATERPILLAR IN MULL,IT LOOKED A BIT COLD BUT I THINK IT WAS OKAY.

SO...ITS FINALLY HERE....TONITE IS THE VERY LAST SHOW WITH COMANECHI IN THE MARRIAGE OF FILTH TOUR,I HOPE LOTS OF FOLK TURN UP....IT SHOULD BE A GOOD YIN,WE ARE ALL FEELING SLIGHTLY MENTAL ,I FEEL A BIT EMOTIONAL,ANDY HAS HAD A SHOWER,WE STILL HAVE A WEE AMOUNT OF MERCH YU HAVE TO BUY SO WE CAN GET HOME......I MAY EVEN SELL MASELF TO GET THE PETROL MONIES .......DIVORCE AND COMANECHI LOVE YOU ALL.....SEE YU TONITE.

AH FUKING LOVE TOURING,BEER,BITCHES AND SLAYER!

2010-09-28T17:04:00.012+01:00

BIRMINGHAM....WHAT A LOVELY CITY.

UNTIL DIVORCE ARRIVES!!!!!!

PURE NEEDED A WEE SPOON SO I DID,FEELING A BIT UPSET ON THIS TENTH DAY OF THE TOUR....DEAD EMOTIONAL GUYS,NEEDED A CUDDLE FAE A BEAUTIFUL LASSIE.

C'MON YA DAFT BITCH...ILL BUY YOU A SMIRNOFF ICE IF YOU COME IN THE PUB WITH ME.

AFTER SAYING TAE THE BAND , EH WATCH OUT FOR ANY COPS..TURN ROUND THE CORNER TO THE BIGGEST FUKING COP SHOP IVE EVER SEEN....REDUCING CRIME AND DISORDER!!!!!!

SINEAD HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A POLICE WUMAN.

LOOK,MEAT WAGONS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE......

SIMONS SO FAR NEAR BREAKING POINT HE NEEDED DOUBLE ALE.

EVEN SINEAD NEEDED A WEE HALF.

VICKIE HAS ACTUALLY TURNED INTAE GAZZA NOW.

DONT WORRY JIM'LL FIX IT....FUCKING HOPE SO.

BURD IN THE BACKGROUND REMINDED ME OF SOMEONE.

BIG STONED PUPAE.

BIRMINGHAM GIG...APPARENTLY BLACK SABBATH PLAYED ON THE VERY SAME STAGE IN 77.

I CAME TO YOU ON BLOODY KNEES BENT DOUBLE WITH LOVE IN MY HEART.

SIMONS TAKING INFLUENCE FROM ALL THE METAL DOCUMENTARIES WE HAVE WATCHED IN THE VAN...NO MIDDLE EQ, ALL TOP N BOTTOM.....OH I LOVE A GUID BIT OF TOP AND BOTTOM.

THEY ALSO GOT A FUKING SMOKE MACHINE.....BASTARDS!!!!!

SUNNO)))....

SIMONO))))))))))...........

))0(( : POOPING BACK AND FORTH!!!!!!

TIME TRAVELLING BACK TAE 87 AGAIN......HEAVY METAL MUTHERFUKERS.

ACTUALLY FUCKING LOVE BROONTOON....WITHOUT HIM THIS TOUR WOULD'NAE HAVE HAPPENED...THANK YOU BROONTOON,WE LOVE YU HEN.

NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE THIS SPECIAL LADY.

C'MON HEN......GET UP,WE NEED TAE GO HAME...FUKING PURE EMBARRASSMENT ,HAD TAE GET HER IN A TAXI,COST ME 50 QUID FINE COZ SHE JOBBIED HERSELF ON THE SEAT.

FINALLY GOT NEW VANS,THE STINKING ONES FUSED TO MA FEET SO HAD TO GET THEM SURGICALLY REMOVED,HAVE LEFT A BIG SORE.

IVE BEEN EATING THE DRESSING,ITS PRETTY TASTY ACTUALLY,.....HMMMMM SEPTIC PUSS WRAP.

CARDIFF TONITE...ALREADY AWESOME,ALTHOUGH WALKING THROUGH TOWN FEELS LIKE IM ON THE SET OF HOLLYOAKS...LADDAS BITCHES.

Black Flag - Nervous Breakdown

2010-09-28T17:02:00.000+01:00

METAL UP YR ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-09-27T19:43:00.009+01:00

its actually hard work on tour....yu get very sleepy and if yu dont get yr 14 hours sleep a day it can fuck yu up.

We get to leeds and ditch our show to run along to catch purple rhinestone eagle for the second night running...seriously our new favourite band...but on the way we fuking find STREET MEET!!!!!!

Check the size of that fuker,at least a 25 quid steak....hmmmmmm!

Get to the gig,fucking awesome ...check the t-shirt oot,ride the lightning muther fukers!

I havent been blown away by guitar and drum skills for so long and no joke was fuking majorly blown away by these lassies.

On way back to leeds gig..more fuking street meat...what the actual fuck,look theres three kinds of street meat here.

i was starving,i love raw meat...canny get enough of it working in a organic vegan wholesaler as a vegan chef,i just dont get enough meat....certainly was enuff all round on the streets of leeds.....streeeeeet meeeeeeeeeet!!!!!!!

Leeds fuking rules.....thank you leeds for an awesome gig!

Comanechi ..they are starting to get on ma tits a wee bit!

Theres satan in a windae next tae the venue....saaaaaaataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

Cool poster....i love a good fuking poster,so lazy not to do awesome posters,makes people come to gig,makes band happy,makes punters happy to put them on their bedroom walls...make us good posters goddammit!!!!!!!

Back tae gozy our tour drivers house,we stayed in his flatemates room,such a comfy couch i slept on again...but there was a slipper on the floor i couldnae take my eyes off of....surely its time for a new pair of slippers?

Went for more fatty food in the morning,im getting sick of eating three square meals a day.....this is what keex ordered,italian omelette..check the size of this shit!

Its as big as her...that big dude in the backgrounds well eye'ing it up

Keex failed in the omelette eating comp., she would have won another omelette so maybe a guid thing...we put the dregs in a wee bag for andy broontoon as he was still awol from the night before.

Its starting to get tae folk this tour...vickies lost the plot,thinks shes a vampire and is pure tanning daddies special sauce n shitloads of fake blood(ketchup)

Veggie breakfast all round..its like the 'dont' table on gillian mckeef again.

We are making no money on this tour so akiko had to go wash the dishes to pay for our food.

Just incase you didnae know what an espresso was.

in manchester now killing time,vickie fucking loves gazza..we looked at many pictures after we searched on google...GAZZA FUCKED,this was one of them,ekkied oot his nut wi fags in every orifice.

Thirsty leather black glove whisky drinking time.

Massive bowl of pasta.

Nearly empty plate of pasta.

Breaking Colts.....they fuking ruuuuuuuuule!!!!!!!!!

Divorce...fucking shite!!!!!!!!!!

Massive mental crowd..they went nuts , started a mosh pit...fuck yeah!!!!!

Comanechi

Keex collapsed on stage from too much pasta.

She's addicted to pasta now though,pure ate even more after we got her back fae the hospital...canny get enuff.

She has got me hooked,just one more hit of pasta,just the one.

Andys even eating it off the floor...we are fuked,someone send in the pasta addict helpline number.

Went to the bahamas after the gig...hi guys!!!!!!

Vickie havng a cold brewsky on the beach.

Me and keex on our honeymoon ...simon and me got divorced and she has fancied me for a while.....

Andy got put in jail last night for pissing on the street,he got back to where we were staying at ten a.m...we were pretty happy to see him....cost us a 100 quid fine though,better start washing dishes again to get some cash.

Heading to birmingham today...watching cliff em all in the van tae get pyeeeeeeeeer pumped for the show.

We fucking love early metallica.....i actually have all the band members tattood on my back from when i was 8...i love early metallica....metal up yr ass mutherfukers!!!!!!!!!!

Wee taster of whats came outta birmingham....black sabbath,and....em,wait.....naw just black sabbath!!!!!!!!!

Cardiff tomorrow bitches,you better be there!!!!!!!!!

GETTING FRUITALIGUSY IN GLASGOW!!!!!

2010-09-25T19:41:00.009+01:00

STARTING THE NIGHT OFF SO WE END UP WITH DIARRHEA AGAIN...SPICY BEERS ALL ROUND.

SINEAD ALMOST CANNY FACE HER 110TH BEER OF TOUR..JUST DRINK IT BITCH.

VICKIE IS ALSO A BI WORRIED ABOUT THE SPICY BEER INTAKE,WE COULDNT FIND IMMODIUM.

FUCK IT,GETTING OUR SPICE ROMANTIC BEER ON.

MOVING ON TAE A WEE BIT OF BONDAGE.

ANDYS FETISH IS BIG BOOBS.

SINEADS IS MANKY TEETH...HMMMM SEXY.

THE GIG WAS FUKING AMAZING,FULL SHOW ALMOST.

IM TOTALY THINKING ABOUT FRUTILINGUS.

THE BEST BAND RIGHT NOW SERIOUSLY CHECK EM OOT,PURPLE RHINESTONE EAGLE...FUKING BLEW OUR MINDS AWAY..GOING TO SEE THEM IN LEEDS BEFORE WE PLAY OUR SHOW.

FUKING RAAAAAAAAAAWK.

SINEAD IS AN ART SCHOOL STUDENT...YU CAN TOTALLY TELL,THIS MAKES US HAPPY THIS WEE DRAWING..AWWWWWW.

CHECK AW THE CUNTS AT THE GIG,BRILLZO.

SIMONS CROTCH.

ANDYS HAIR.

AKIKOS WEE BELLY.

MORE HAIR.

EUUUUUUCH,ISABELS WEE CUT LEG WI TUBE SOCKS N VANS.....THATS THE ONE!!!!

AKIKOS DECIDED WE ARE DEFINITELY GONG STEADY NOW....I KNEW SHE'D GIVE IN IF I GAVE HER HALF A PILL AND A BACK RUB.

MORE BIG HAIR...I WISH I HAD HAIR.

BEST , MOST FUKING ROCKING BAND THIS SIDE OF SABBATH.

BACK TAE ASIA STYLE IN GLASGOW,THOSE FUKING WAITRESSES HATE US.

ISABEL CANNY BELIEVE HOW RUDE THEY WERE TO US,ACTUALLY TOLD ME STRAIGHT TO MA FACE THEY HATE ME...I IGNORED THEM AS MY MANDARIN TOFU WAS SOOOO GUID.

AKIKO HAS WANKING FRICTION BLISTERS,PRETY GROSS.

KINNA REMINDED ME OF THE MEAT HANGING UP...ALSO GROSS.

SEXY TIME OUTSIDE ASIA STYLE...YU SHOULD ALL TRY IT THERE,BEST MALAYSIAN FOOD IN GLASGOW..TELL THEM VSO SENT YU,MAYBE THEY WILL STOP HATING ME IF I DRUM UP BUSINESS.

LEEDS TONIGHT......NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS,JUST US AND COMANECHI....BIT LONELY,PLEASE COME DOWN AND GIVE US A WEE CUDDLE....:(

SCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHAGEEEEZ!

2010-09-24T18:31:00.005+01:00

SOME WEE MOLES HAVING A REAL GOOD TIME IN NOTTINGHAM,SMOKING,DRINKING,PLAYING STRIP POKER.

ANDY PURE WISHES THEY WOULD LET HIM JOIN IN,HE LOVES STRIP POKER,FAGS N BEER.

GUYS IVE FOUND MY NEW FETISH......BIG SAUSAGE FLASHER,JUST LIKE THE DUDE FAE PINK FLAMINGOS.

ANDY IS DESPERATE LADIES,HE JUST WANTS SOMEBODY TAE EAT HIS BIG SAUSAGE,LOOK HES EVEN PUT IT IN A BUN.

ANDY SHAT HIMSELF IN ASDA AS THERE WAS NAE TOILET ROLL IN THE CUBICLE,HE HAD TO WIPE HIS ARSE WITH HIS THREE DAYS OLD BOXERS,JUST AS WELL REALLY,MEANS HE HAS A CLEAN SET FOR EVERY DAY LEFT NOW..SO FRESH AND SO CLEEEEEEEAN.

GILLIAN MCKEEF CAME DOON TO THE NEWCASTLE GIG AND TOLD US WERE WE HAVE BEEN GOING WRONG WITH TOUR FOOD....THIS IS THE BAD TABLE,NOTICE ITS ALL SHADES OF BROWN AND GREY.

THEY LET A HOMELESS DUDE WHO HAD BEEN BATTERED WITH A BLACK EYE IN TO THE NEWCASTLE SHOW,EVERYONE WELCOME AT DIVORCE GIGS.

MIDNIGHT TESCO RAMRAID....IM HANGING ABOUT THE KIDDY SECTION TRYING TAE FIND WEE BOYS THAT LOOK LIKE GIRLS THAT LOOK LIKE JUSTIN BEIBER.

FOUND ANOTHER NEW FETISH,BRA HATS.

SHOES ARE NOW TOTALLY FUKED,IM HAVING TO CRUSH LAVENDER WE FOUND IN A CHURCH GARDEN INTO THEM....I AM SO EMBARRASSED I FUKING STINK.

THE SQUAT WE STAYED IN NEWCASTLE HAD NO DOORS,THE FRONT DOOR WAS OFF ITS HINGE AND SO WAS THE ROOM WE STAYED IN,I BANGED INTO IT AND KILLED SIMON.

THE FRIDGE IN THE SQUAT HAD SOME NICE CHUNEY IN IT BUT IT NEEDED A RIGHT GUID CLEAN.

MASSIVE BOGEY ON THE TOILET DOOR.

1ST SECTOR OF THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE.

PURE DESTROYED, FEART OF GETTING SCABIES,HAD TO TAKE THREE VALIUM AND BASICALLY LIVING THE DREAM GUYS.

AREET.

HIYA.

OLA.

ANDY FUKING STRESSING OUT HIS NUT IN THE FIRST OF THE TWO SHOWS WE ARE DOING OURSELVES...EDINBURGER.

ANOTHER FULL HOUSE.

BEST EDINBURGH SHOW WE HAVE EVER DONE...THANK YOU EDINBURGH,GLASGOW TONITE,PLEASE COME DOON!

AMBIENT SAUSAGE ROLL EXTRAVAGANZ

2010-09-23T11:40:00.013+01:00

ANDY BLOWING HIS LOAD ON SAUSAGE ROLLS FAE A SHELF,NOT EVEN IN A FRIDGE....FUKING BOAK.

CHAZZA SHOPPING IN NOTTINGHAM

G'N'R 87 CHITIQUE

VICKIE IN THE 1 POUND SHIT PIT.

HAD TAE STOP OFF FOR A QUICK WANK IN THE ADULT SHOP...ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE HAVE SEEN OUR BF'S AND GF'S.

SIMON FUKING LOVES REAL ALE

LEZZY SPANKING FETISH CLUB

SIMONS BIG THRUSHY COCK

ANDYS BIG THRUSHY BLOATED BELLY

TOP OF THE POPS MUTHERFUKERS

YU CAN STILL BUY ALL OUR SHIT

SEXY BAND

SEXY CHIP BUTTY

COMANECHI

GUILTY PARENTS FEEDING THE BURDS

WTF...CHEAP XMAS BEER!,ITS ONLY SEPTEMBER!

SEXY TIME

ROMANTIC TIME

75 YEAR OLD LADY TIME,SHE WANTS US TO PLAY WITH HER TIRED BITS...SO SAD

NEWCASTLE NEXT , WE PUT GAZZA ON THE GUEST LIST.

I LIKE MA RUM THE WAY I LIKE MA GIRLS!!!!!!!

2010-09-21T19:44:00.011+01:00

DAY 3 OF THE TOUR,WOKE UP AFTER ANDY BLEW HIS LOAN ON BEER AND FOUND OUT ABOUT THE BIG BOOBS FRAPE..HES STILL RAGEN,DOING ACCOUNTS APPARENTLY. MY FEET ARE FUKED,MY VANS ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE IM WALKING ON BARE FEET SO NEED TO FIND NEW SHOES. LUCKILY WE STAYED IN SOME LASSIE WI GOOD TASTE IN SHOES ROOM....HELLO BOYS!!! CHECK OOT THOSE CALVES AND SCARS N SWEATSHOP SOCKS GUYS. DEAD NAUTICAL , PURE HIPSTER CHITIQUE WITH ADDED POST TAE TIE MA BOAT TAE. RACIST CHITIQUE.....KINNA FUKED UP! LOOK CLOSELY,VICKIE PISHED HERSELF AS SHE HAD TAE WAIT ON 8 OTHER PEOPLE GETTING SHOWERED IN THE QUE...WE HAD FEBREEZE THOUGH ALL GOOD. ANDY LOVES DRINKING BIG COCK!!! MADONNA NOW APPARENTLY ....AIRBRUSHED TAE FUCK....NEEDS MUST THOUGH IN THE BACK OF A TOUR VAN. SIMON ABSOLUTELY RAGEN AT 5 QUID TINNED HOSPITAL MUSHROOM SOUP. COMANECHI AND DIVORCE FUNDING THE KKK...NAW WE DIDNAE PAY FOR THE DOMINOS SO WASNAE US! BIG COCKS AGAIN....THERES A THEME TODAY. 3 QUID JD FROM SAINSBURY....SAVED THE DAY. HAPPY MERCH STALL ATTENDANTS. WE FUKING WENT WIIIIIILD.....GIG WAS SOOO GUID,ALTHOUGH VICKIE N ME NEED TO GET OUR BALD PATCHES SORTED. SIMON COMANECHI. DISGUSTING BITCH. EVEN MORE DISGUSTING BITCH. ANDY ACTUALLY IS JESUS. HAD TAE DROP KEEX OFF AT THE GURNEY CLINIC,SHE GUBBED TOO MANY EKKIEZ N COULDNAE STOP GURNING.....NOTTINGHAM TODAY....MAYBE WE WILL SEE MAID MARION OR ROBIN HOOD,WE HAVE PUT THEM ON THE GUEST LIST.

POP YR TOP OFF!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-09-20T01:26:00.011+01:00

BRIGHTON GIG WAS FUKING AWESOME,WE STAYED AT OUR FRIEND KIMS HOUSE,SHE HAS A PUG CALLED PETUNIA WHO LIKES TO SPIN ROUND ON HER ANAL POLLOPS TO ITCH THEM,ITS PRETTY CUTE. BEST BREAKFAST SO FAR ON TOUR...ONLY 2.95....FUKING YUMMY!!!! LET LOOSE ON BRIGHTON BEACH...HUNNERS OF SHIT TO TRY OUT LIKE PUTTING OUR HEADS IN SHARKS MOUTH. ANDY BLOWING HIS STUDENT LOAN AGAIN ON ICE CREAMS. I BLEW MY LOAD ON ICE CREAM AND DIRTY POSTCARDS. LOTS OF LAUGHS ON BRIGHTON PIER GUYS. EVEN MORE LAUGHS....FUCK YEAH. TOOT TOOOOOOT. EXCEEDINGLY GOOD KEEX PANINI...YUM.

OUR LOVELY FRIEND KIM MADE US UP SECRET SAILOR JERRY BOOZE PACKAGES IN MAC MAKE UP BOTTLES....FUKING GENIUS,WEE TIP FOR YU GIRLS. ANDY PURE LOVES STARBUCKS......RAGEN ITS NOT OPEN FOR A MANGO PASION FRUIT FRAPP AT 12 AT NIGHT. FEED ThE BIRDS ...TUPPENCE A BECKS. THE GIG. THERE WAS THREE PERVERTS AT THE GIG TAKING PICTURES OF ALL THE GIRLS,THEY EVEN SAT ON THE FUKING STAGE AND WE HEARD THEM SAY..OH I FUKING LOVE TAKING PICTURES OF GIRLS LIKE THAT,I SPAT ON ONE OF THEM AND AFTER I PUNCHED TWO OF THEM...DIRTY MOTHERFUKERS!!!!! HAVE YU SEEN THESE MEN?,REPORT TO THE POLICE IF YU DO,YR DAUGHTERS ARENT SAFE. OXFORD WAS PRETTY GUID BOTH BANDS ROCKED,PROMOTER ROCKED,ANDY BLEW ALL HIS CASH ON BEER FOR US,ANDY ALSO FOUND OUT ABOUT THE BIG BOOBS INCIDENT...FUKING RIGHT....NORWICH TONITE GUYS...CANNY WAIT.

WE BE TOURIN'

2010-07-26T19:49:00.004+01:00

Sorry for no recent posts, there's been too much going on to stop and talk about it!
We're pleased to announce that in September we're going to be sharing space on a 10" with our tight bros in London, the fantastic COMANECHI!!! Side A will feature us doing a song each, meanwhile on the flipside we've joined forces and both bands TOGETHER have recorded a ferocious cover of Sonic Youth's classic "Death Valley 69" - it sounds biblical and we're insanely proud of it!!!
To celebrate this rather exciting marriage of filth and volume (to be released on the esteemed MEROK RECORDS) both us & Comanechi are going on a two-week tour of the UK in September - SO PREPARE.

COMANECHI & DIVORCE UK TOUR OF FILTH SEPTEMBER 2010

SATURDAY 18th: BRIGHTON
The Hydrant, 75 London Road, BN1 4JF

SUNDAY 19th: OXFORD
POOR GIRL NOISE @ The Wheatsheaf, 129 High Street, OX1 4DF
INFO

MONDAY 20th: NORWICH
The Crypt, Take 5, 17 Tombland, NR3 1HF

TUESDAY 21st: NOTTINGHAM
BEACH HUNKS at Spanky Van Dykes, 17 Goldsmith Street, NG1 5JT
Plus DJs BEACH HUNKS & CATHOLIC GIRLS

WEDNESDAY 22nd: NEWCASTLE
Head Of Steam, 2 Neville Street, NE1 5EN
INFO

THURSDAY 23rd: EDINBURGH
Sneaky Pete's, 73 Cowgate, EH1 1JW
w/ JACKIE TREEHORN and RUN AWAY WITH GYPSIES
Entry = £5
INFO
FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE

FRIDAY 24th: GLASGOW
Nice'n'Sleazy, 421 Sauchiehall Street, G2 3LG
w/ PURPLE RHINESTONE EAGLE (Portland, USA)
Entry = £5 on the door
INFO
FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE

SATURDAY 25th: LEEDS
NO BONES at Nation Of Shopkeepers, 27-37 Cookridge St, Leeds LS2 3AG
Doors: 8pm / 18+
Tickets: £4 advance / £5 on the door
SEETICKETS LINK
INFO
FACEBOOK GROUP
Includes free entry to NO BONES clubnight which goes on til 3am.
There's an outdoor beer garden too where you can drink and smoke outside all night!

SUNDAY 26th: MANCHESTER
FIGHT CLUB at Tiger Lounge, Waldorf House, 5 Cooper Street, M2 2FW
w/ BREAKING COLTS

MONDAY 27th: BIRMINGHAM
VENUE CHANGE - more news ASAP!!

TUESDAY 28th: CARDIFF
FLUX=RAD at The Buffalo Bar, 11 Windsor Place, CF10 3BY
w/ DRAINS
Tickets £5 in advance HERE
FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE

WEDNESDAY 29th: LONDON
Hoxton Bar & Kitchen, 2-4 Hoxton Square, N1 6NU
w/ A GRAVE WITH NO NAME
and MEROK & SEXBEAT DJs
Tickets £7 in advance HERE

TOUR FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE

CAPITALISM & FANCY GOODS || SALFORD w/ CHROME HOOF

2010-04-29T07:21:00.003+01:00

BUY OUR CRAP!
We have a BIGCARTEL page now to sell off our assorted pieces of capitalist detritus! We've got T-shirts, badges and a very limited amount of our split tape with ULTIMATE THRUSH to sell you. Click on the picture of the TWO KINGS, take your ticket and wait your place in the queue.

_____
WE PLAY SALFORD THIS SUNDAY WITH CHROME HOOF!
We're all rather excited about our show this weekend. We're chuffed to have to play the SOUNDS FROM THE OTHER CITY festival, a collaboration between many of Salford and Manchester's independent & DIY promoters all hosting shows simultaneously in a variety of pubs, galleries and other makeshift venues within a square mile distance in Salford.
There are so many amazing bands playing, but we've gotta be honest and say we can't wait to see CHROME HOOF take the stage after us at The Islington Mill! Also playing on the same stage is BO NINGEN, BREAKING COLTS, KLAUS KINSKI and THE PHARMACY. For full details on all the bands playing the event click on the head just below!

=x=

DIVORCE / ULTIMATE THRUSH split cassette

2010-03-31T03:59:00.004+01:00

Firstly, a massive massive thanks to everybody who came to see us play, helped organize the shows, put us up for the night and all the awesome bands we played with - we had a seriously amazing time and can't wait to fire out on the road again really soon!!! THANK YOU!!!!
----------------
YES!! BIG NEWS!! WE HAVE A NEW RELEASE!!!!!
If there's one band in the whole of Glasgow that we consider our proper tight bros, it's definitely ULTIMATE THRUSH!!! We've played with them a load of times now and they blow our minds each and every time. Now finally this love-in is consummated on tape!!
There's loads of reasons you gotta get this cassette:
1: Both us and Utimate Thrush have put unreleased tracks on both sides
2: It's released on the fuckin BADASSS MILK RECORDS (who've put tapes out by great bands like CHAPS, T33TH and BLOODY KNEES)
3: INDIVIDUALLY HAND-SCREENED, HAND-SEWN covers by Ollie from Ultimate Thrush - these things are a work of art!!
4: STRICTLY limited to 100 copies only.... FOREVER!!
5: That's all.
CLICK HERE & BUY IT AT THE MILK SHOP NOW!!

=x=

STINKING UP THE SOUTH || MARCH 2010

2010-03-16T10:18:00.005Z

We're making our way southbound next week for a small batch of shows.

Wednesday March 24th
NOTTINGHAM || The Chameleon w/ BITCHES and GUILTY PARENTS
8pm || £5
FACEBOOK INFO

Thursday March 25th
LONDON || DANCE MAGIC DANCE at The Stag's Head w/ BITCHES
8pm || FREE FREE FREE FREE!!!!
FACEBOOK INFO

Friday March 26th
LONDON || The Drop (The Three Crowns basement) w/ ULTIMATE THRUSH and PLEASE
LAUNCH PARTY FOR THE DIVORCE & ULTIMATE THRUSH SPLIT TAPE ON MILK!!
FACEBOOK INFO (PLUS!! If you come to the gig you gain admission to HUNTLEY & PALMERS AUDIO CLUB after the gig for £3 - usually it's £5!! - FACEBOOK INFO)

Saturday March 27th
MANCHESTER || CLUB SPANKY at The Islington Mill w/ BLUE SABBATH BLACK FIJI, BLOOD MOON and ULTIMATE THRUSH
8:30pm to 4am || £5
FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE

Sunday March 28th
LEEDS || BRITISH WILDLIFE FESTIVAL at Nation Of Shopkeepers w/ a ton of awesome bands - check their blog/FB event page for the full festival line-up!
FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE

Here's all the information again in facebook form. Hope you can make it to one of the shows!!!

=x=

THE END OF OPTIMO

2010-03-11T16:29:00.003Z

Today is the day that we know would eventually come but wouldn't admit to ourselves: OPTIMO (ESPACIO) IS GOING TO END
Like they explain, it's been a good run; 12 years, over 600 nights and a list of guest bands and artists who have graced their stage that reads like a who's-who of pioneering, envelope-pushing music from the last 30 years. When Optimo started NOBODY was doing what they did, nobody merged the blood-and-guts visceral thrill of seeing a genuinely intimidating/engrossing/breathtaking live performance within a 100% legitimate club format. It's a template that's been duplicated countless times all over the world, but back then the very thought was anathema.
Even placing it in such simplistic terms does it a disservice. Ultimately what Twitch & Wilkes did was burn the schematics and simply PLEASE THEMSELVES - nothing was out the question, if it floated their boat then it went in. This breath of fresh air was exactly was the club scene needed and their 'anti-agenda' resonated with people not just in Glasgow, or Britain, but worldwide.
From our point of view, we obviously owe them a great debt. Our second ever show was at Optimo, the deal struck after Twitch seeing our debut gig. Our first record was released on their label OPTIMO MUSIC after playing said show. Since then they had us play one their last residences in Edinburgh and (possibly the greatest honour) their final Hogmanay show at the Fruitmarket just three months ago (a true 'take to the grave' gig for us!!)
Their endorsement has been genuine and transparent - nothing more complicated than 'we like you a lot, let's do this', asking nothing more from us than just to be us. This was the criteria Optimo placed on everything it did; it was impulsive, instinctive and totally exciting.
There's only 7 more nights left before the hammer falls. If you live in Glasgow you've got no excuse. If you don't, you STILL have no excuse. Get on a bus, train, plane, thumb a fucking lift, but make sure you make it along to one of the last best nights you'll ever have.

OPTIMO (ESPACIO) :: 1998 - 2010
=x=

NEW LOOK NEW MUSIC NEW WOMAN

2010-02-17T20:19:00.003Z

If you all take a wee look at our myspace page you'll notice we've given it a bit of a make over. There's a new track on the player called DISCIPLES, which was recorded last December at Green Door Studios in Glasgow by Sam Smith, assisted (and mixed) by Chris White and our own Sinead Youth.
It also features some fantastic art designed for us by our amazingly talented friend Rosie McGurn, like this beautifully fucked up fashion dog/severed head combination below::

Hope you enjoy!!

THE QUEEN OF SIAM SPEAKS

2010-02-07T12:54:00.001Z

"DIVORCE...HA!

Fantastic blast of no wave thrash bashing
like ungodly offspring sprung from Cuntzilla's incubator
a bloody smear of nasty mutation
oozing a sickly runoff of infectious virulence

naughty little bastards...."

Lydia Lunch, February 7th, 2010
=x=

SINGLELONELYDESPERATE

2010-01-25T02:06:00.003Z

THANK YOU loads to everybody who came out to our recent shows with the fantastic COMANECHI!! We had the best ever time playing with them and we know they did too (cos they said so). It was a match made in heaven & we're really excited about doing more shows with them, which WILL happen!! This mutual appreciation circle-jerk is also going to be preserved very soon ON VINYL TOO!! In the next few months a COMANECHI and DIVORCE split 7" will be released on MEROK - stay tuned for more info on that!!

###############################
We're getting MEGA-PSYCHED about our shows in February with the totally awesome BITCHES!!!!
If you don't know, they're an awesome bass & drums, girl & boy, loud & LOUDER two-piece from London and are punk-as-FUKK. They've already got a cassette available (released on the excellent DEATHBOMBARC label) and will have their debut self-released 7" EP "WINNERS" released in time for our shows together!!
GLASGOW: Feb 13th at The 13th Note with NORTH AMERICAN WAR and STAB TEEN
::::FACEBOOK INFO::::
EDINBURGH: Feb 14th at Sneaky Pete's with THE PINEAPPLE CHUNKS
::::FACEBOOK INFO::::

ALSO!!!!!!!
If you come to the Glasgow show, you'll get a ticket that will get you into ONE MORE TUNE at the Glasgow School Of Art for only £2!!!! We're also gonna be doing a special midnight show there too!!!
::::FACEBOOK INFO::::

So it's gonna be a hellova busy couple of nights for us!! But the way things are looking right now, these will be our last Scottish shows for a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time, so get down to them!!!
###############################
Speaking of BITCHES and DEATHBOMBARC, you must get this right now!
We have a song included on "PRO-CREATION ROCKERS", an amazing compilation that's been put together by punk rhythm maniacs FOOT VILLAGE!! They asked all the bands who they loved that played with them on their recent European tour to contribute a track - so there's BITCHES, ULTIMATE THRUSH, BLUE SABBATH BLACK FIJI and tons more awesome music! It also includes to live recordings of two brand new, unreleased Foot Village songs that was recorded at our show together at the CCA!!
Best thing of all though, is that it's COMPLETELY FREE!!!!!!!!!
CLICK HERE AND DOWNLOAD THE FUCK OUT OF THIS NOW!!!!

(BTW the cover artwork was done by the amazing SERIPOP COLLECTIVE)
###############################
Our guitarist Hillary has got all her BLOOD OF THE BULL songs up on Soundcloud for you to hear. CLICK HERE and have a listen. If you like the EP tracks you can download them FOR FREE TOO from the excellent Winning Sperm Party website HERE.
###############################
COMING UP!! More shows in England at the end of March!!! We'll post all the dates up soon.
=x=

NEW YEAR = FRESH MEAT

2010-01-03T16:35:00.000Z

First off, a HUGE MASSIVE thanks to evereybody who totally LOST THEIR SHIT BIG STYLE for our set at Optimo's hogmanay party, that was totally insane!! The pit was epic, the ceiling was coming down... I can't believe they had to put four big burly security guards between us and the crowd, what a hoot!! So yeah, BIG THANKS, it was amazing!!!
We're not sitting still though, in just over two weeks time we're going to be playing two Scottish shows with our favourite sludge-punk duo COMANECHI!!!!!!!
GLASGOW:: Monday Jan 18th at Captains Rest with HOLY MOUNTAIN (TICKETS)
EDINBURGH:: Tuesday Jan 19th at Sneaky Petes with YOUR LOYAL SUBJECTS (TICKETS)
We fucked London up massively when we played with Comanechi at their album launch last month, we're insanely excited about these shows, they're going to RUIN YOU ALL!!

=x=

BLOOD OF THE BULL

2009-12-27T18:06:00.001Z

Like we mentioned in our previous post, our guitarist Hillary has her own personal musical project called BLOOD OF THE BULL.
Her music is really melodic, simple but not simplistic, and has a dark, brooding sense of foreboding bubbling just under the surface. To these ears she follows in the lineage of people like Mary Timony/Helium, Lois, The Spinanes and Heavens To Betsy, recalling the early days of the Kill Rock Stars and K record labels. It's great stuff!

The debut Blood Of The Bull ep has just been released on WINNING SPERM PARTY and is available to download for free, so there's no reason to not have a listen! Rory, who plays drums in Blood Of The Bull, also plays in THE BALLAD OF MABLE WONG (alongside Laurie from ULTIMATE THURSH). They've also had their debut ep released on WSP too, so get that too!!
Hillary and Rory are playing tomorrow night at The Captains Rest in Glasgow (also on the bill are our label-mates LOUISE McVEY & CRACKS IN THE CONCRETE, who have just had their debut ep released on OPTIMO MUSIC) - they don't get the chance to play live so often, probably because we swallow up almost all of Hillary's time musically, so those of you who are able, you should make it down to the show!

=x=

MISTLETOE AND GRIND

2009-12-25T20:21:00.005Z

Have you noticed? It's Christmas.

To celebrate the day when we all get together and give each other things (and the day the pope got a doing) we've got some presents to offer you by way of FREE MUSIC.
Here's a live mp3 of "Death Of You" by Comanechi (featuring VSO, Andy and Sinead from Divorce = COMANECHIVORCE!!) live at their album launch from December 11th in London in all it's filthy, fetid glory!!! DOWNLOAD!!!
Also, don't forget you can still get the live bootleg of our set with Deerhoof from Edinburgh on December 8th at the Winning Sperm Party website -- GET IT HERE!!!
Winning Sperm Party have also unleashed FOUR NEW RELEASES TODAY!! Among them is the debut EP by BLOOD OF THE BULL, which is our guitarist Hillary's own personal musical project. Her own songs are minimal, melodic and brooding, sort of harking back to the early days of Kill Rock Stars/K Records (Lois, The Spinanes, Mary Timony etc), sung by Hillary herself. She's a talented lady!! As with all W.S.P. releases, they're available to download for ABSOLUTELY FREE!! GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL!!!
Hope you all got what you wanted and some of you got what you needed. See you at hogmanay!!!
=x=

C O M A N E C H I V O R C E

2009-12-22T11:34:00.002Z

When we went to London to play at Comanechi's album launch, Simon & Keex asked us if VSO & Andy would join them on bass & drums for their last few songs - here's some brutal footage of us doing 'My Pussy' and 'Death Of You' - it totally fucking SLAYS!!!!!
Comanechi are absolutely fucking amazing and their album is a work of ferocious, brutal genius!! BUY IT HERE!!!!

=x=

DEATH OF THE DECADE

2009-12-21T14:37:00.001Z

We're extremely honoured to have been asked by the esteemed Twitch & Wilkes of OPTIMO (ESPACIO) to perform at their epic Hogmanay party at The Fruitmarket in Glasgow!!
It's known as a fact that the Optimo Hogmanay party is BY FAR the most hedonistic, excessive and outright FUN night happening on the night in Glasgow, if not Scotland!! Amazing music, amazing people, amazing party!!!!!
They always put together excellent line-ups for each year too, with the 2009 edition is not looking shabby in the slightest. Sets from DRUMS OF DEATH, HUDSON MOHAWKE, THE NIALLIST and Optimo themselves will be bringing in the new year and new decade. Regarding the Scottish-centric line-up, Optimo themselves explain that "As we leave the 2000s, we felt that it was a good idea to celebrate some of the immense talent that has come out of our fine city in recent years and invite some of the best artists this city has produced to come and perform." High praise indeed, making it all the more flattering that we've been included on the bill!! We'll do our best to not ruin yr buzz too much...!!!
Buy tickets HERE and HERE!!! Facebook info is HERE

=x=

FRIDAY NIGHT = LONDON WILL DIE

2009-12-09T16:00:00.002Z

We play Comanechi's album launch show on Friday down at El Paso on Old Street in London. This gig will SLAY, no question!! Get yr tickets HERE!!!

=x=

VSO vs. ARI UP

2009-11-20T01:31:00.001Z

From 'The Stool Pigeon' this month:

This is why we love our VSO
=x=

DECEMBERISM

2009-11-15T13:51:00.005Z

After our rush of live shows over the last couple of months, we were planning to take December out to do domestic shit like pay bills, eat food and sleep in now and then - but we got these three offers for gigs in December that couldn't be passed up! You can't blame us, look what they are:::

On Tuesday December 8th we return FINALLY to Edinburgh, playing with none other that DEERHOOF!!!!
It's at The Bongo Club, Holyrood Rd - go HERE for ticket info etc!

Then on Friday December 11th we're heading back to London! This time playing withCOMANECHI!!! It's the launch nite of their long awaited (by us) album 'Crime Of Love' - it's gonna be MENTAL!!! It's gonna occur at El Paso, 350-354 Old Street, East London and tickets are a fiver in advance HERE - expect CARNAGE!!

Finally, on the final night of December, the final night of 2009 and the final night of the 'naughties' or whatever, we'll be playing at OPTIMO'S HOGMANAY PARTY at The Fruitmarket in Glasgow - woooooop!!!! Optimo have been awesome to us this year, releasing our debut EP in June, being hugely supportive in general and great friends, so this is a gonna be a BIG NIGHT for us & we're gonna make sure '09 ends in TOTAL FUCKIN CHAOS!!!! To get tickets go HERE or HERE!

=x=

|=00+ \/||_|_@q£

2009-11-07T14:18:00.005Z

YOU MUST ATTEND!!!

FOOT VILLAGE are a ferocious four drummer juggernaut!! BEATS & SCREAMS with no need for amplification - no guitars, no electricity, just pure primal punk energy and rhythm!! Absolutely fucking immense!!!

PLUS!!
ULTIMATE THRUSH!!!!
BLUE SABBATH BLACK FIJI

It's gonna be our last Glasgow gig of 2009!! What an epic finale!!!

=x=

:::CHARMICARMICAT:::

2009-11-06T01:53:00.002Z

We've all known for AGES that Vickie had awesome taste in music, but now YOU CAN TOO!!
She's got a radio show on Glasgow Uni's Subcity radio station, it's called "Charmicarmicat" and it promotes itself as "an anti generic, sonic assault of ear bleeding, sharp edged, wrong angled Noise Rock, Spazz-core, Gore-core, Sludge Metal and Doom" - FUCKING YES!!!
You can listen to her badass show RIGHT HERE!!
=x=

U P C O M I N G

2009-10-29T00:01:00.003Z

We're really excited to announce our next couple of releases, which should be showing up in the first few months of 2010:::
1) a split tape with ULTIMATE THRUSH on MILK
2) a split 7" with COMANECHI on MEROK
Expect old classics, new floor fillers and mega-surprises!!
=x=

HALLOWEEN

2009-10-23T18:58:00.007+01:00

Our next show is the Halloween Noise Festival at The Flying Duck, on Renfield Lane in Glasgow.
It's gonna be absolutely ferocious, ear-bleeding guaranteed! And the line-up is amazing:::
SISTER IODINE
ULTIMATE THRUSH
BLUE SABBATH BLACK FIJI
STREETS OF RAGE
INTERNATIONAL NOISE CLUB
and us

=x=

TOUR MEMORIES // EVIDENCE

2009-10-22T01:07:00.003+01:00

A couple of weeks ago we spent 5 days going down and up England with our awesome friends (and the greatest touring buddies you could ever hope for) Ultimate Thrush. We had a total riot, seeing loads of old friends, meeting loads of new friends & playing some EPIC shows!!! It was real.

Click on Ross Thrush's bloody face to see our precious memories... (btw the photo album is on Facebook, but that ain't a problem for anyone these days, right?)

=x=

RADIO DIVORCE

2009-10-05T22:39:00.003+01:00

Last Saturday Andy & Hillary from our band were asked to talk a bunch of shite and pick loads of awesome records (but not ALL of them, eg Chumbawumba) on the 'She Said' radio show on Subcity in Glasgow.

You can hear the full thing HERE - it's the most entertaining two hours you'll hear in the next couple of hours.

=x=

T O U R

2009-10-01T10:27:00.004+01:00

STRTS NXT WK

=x=

PART CHIMP

2009-09-25T00:48:00.004+01:00

Tomorrow we're playing with PART CHIMP!!! We love noise and Part Chimp OWN NOISE. This is a big fucking deal.
Friday September 25th at Stereo, Renfield Lane, Glasgow
DOORS AT 7.30!! WE'RE ON AT 8!!

=x=